Coffee Table

February 7th, 2011

At this point I don’t even know how to say that I found another coffee table without feeling deep pangs of guilt and embarrassment. It’s turned into a bit of a sad joke, this whole switching coffee tables every month thing, but I just can’t stop myself when I spot something I really dig.

I’m addicted. I love coffee tables. Probably even more than I like sofas.

But, it could be worse, I could be addicted to eating a “household cleanser” or sofa cushions like those folks on My Strange Addiction.

Amazing what teak oil, Feed ‘n Wax and some elbow grease can do. Seriously, if you find a piece of wood furniture and it looks shabby and neglected but is structurally fine – GOOD. Ask for a discount and then get your oiling on! Trust me, it will look perfectly amazing with just a little bit of effort.

Curious about how to spruce up furniture? Check out this tutorial.

The Boy gets mad when I freshen up furniture on our patio since oil and debris get everywhere. Now I’m trying to do it out in our driveway to avoid the mess, which I’m imagining is such a great show for the neighbors. As if we weren’t weird enough already.

Come on. Give. It. Up.

This is a pretty incredible table.

I even vignetted it up like a proper stylist.

I can stack books! With things on top of them!

Are you guys coffee table vignetters?

I’m normally not. I don’t like a bunch of stuff cluttering up a table I use everyday since I like to put my feet up, have drinks and other things strewn about that are frankly, fairly ugly. I noticed that the first batch of pictures were looking kind of sad, so I thought “styling” would help liven this table up. Don’t expect my coffee tables to be like this if you come over.

I imagine there is this question of why the den’s furniture is laid out the way it is. It’s a weird little room. Difficult to photograph and harder to understand in pictures. It’s kind of like a big L with a built in desk on the other side and an entrance to the kitchen smack in the middle. Definitely challenging to space plan.

Oh, did you notice the old sofa is back. I know, I foretold it.

I also know that the portrait of what people like to refer of as “Lindsay Lohan” should be way lower. As a former gallery director and curator, I am ashamed that I’ve let this hang way above eye level  for years. Art hung too high or improperly is a giant pet peeve and I am a complete hypocrite for letting this happen.

Problem is, that if the painting hangs at the proper mid line it hits the wainscoting and hangs all wonky…then you hit your head on it when you sit on the sofa and it falls on you and hurts you and then people sue me. It’s one of those things I don’t think about in real life until I see it in a picture. Different art for above the sofa is a must, but I haven’t found anything appropriate so “Lindsay” stays super high. Tee hee.

Also, screw the wainscoting. It ruins my life.

PUT A BIRD ON IT

February 4th, 2011

The Boy bought this ugly little carnival style tiger on a geode slice as a joke to drive me crazy. He likes to stash it around the house for me to find and then hide away from him again. It’s a little game of rotating ugly tchotchke we torture each other with. Well, as he knows all to well, don’t be starting something you can’t finish because I will take it up a thousand notches and destroy you.

Hey there good looking. Cluck cluck cluuuuck.

So, Red McHennypants was found at The Salvation Army of all places. Marked as bric-a-brac for a whopping $2.95, after the store discount she was a great investment at $1.77.

Yes, I know. She is a taxidermy chicken. A vintage secondhand taxidermy chicken. It’s weird and gross, but now the stakes of the rotating ugly tchotchke game have gone way up.

Next time you turn on a light. BOOM. Chicken.

There she is. Waiting for you.

Maybe you want to sit down? OH NO, I put a bird on it.

Eames? Way more uncomfortable with a bird on it.

She lays giant black geodesic ceramic eggs – and looks proud to be doing it.

Where’s Chippy? There she is! Failing to hide…

I’m glad to report that it’s totally working and he immediately told me to get that disgusting thing out of the house. No way. You mess up my vignettes, I mess up your soul.

Also check out Portlandia, where you can PUT A BIRD ON IT.

Hitched

February 3rd, 2011

On Sunday, I snuck off to The Ace Hotel & Swim Club to check out Hitched.

Just to clarify, The Boy and I are not married. We certainly have a touch of the common law (since we’ve been together for over eight years) but we’ve never done the big ol’ day thing nor do we have any real interest. I’m not totally sure why, it’s not that I’m opposed to the marriage thing, it’s just never been a high priority or more truthfully any sort of priority for me. The entire wedding process seems like a lot of time, effort and money that I’d rather put into furniture and caulk ’cause I’m house crazy, obviously.

I was contacted by a great company in the UK to cover the event, so I put on my girl reporter hat and headed out with Laure, Bianca and Amaya (who is blog-less, but shockingly the queen of wedding info).

*oops. someone had way too much fun…or maybe the wedding jitters set in.

It was lots of girly campy fun with synchronized swimming, tons of glitter, bite sized foods and drink sampling.

I mean, you sort of win me over with little cans of champagne. I’ll go anywhere, no matter how silly or outrageous or uncomfortable, for endless teeny cans of champagne with straws. I’ll happily hang out in a Levitz or a Mor Furniture for Less or even an Applebees if you just kept handing me those free wee cans of champagne. Retailers of the world – take note!